Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Hoping It's Enough

My OCD side is stressing.  I'm trying desperately to have a great attitude, but this week seems full of "interruptions."  All good things, but I don't enjoy being overly busy.  I know some people thrive with a full plate and a full schedule.  Being busy motivates some people, but it does not motivate me. It stresses me out.

The airport is an hour or so away.  Deron is heading to Boca Raton for an award ceremony.  I'm excited for him winning in the category of Innovation.  Anyone who knows Deron knows he if there's a will, there's a way.  His award centers around his patent.  The idea behind the patent will actually save a company millions of dollars over the course of just a few years.   He is awesome.  I wish I could've gone with him.

We're taking him to the airport today (2 1/2 hours) and picking him up tomorrow (2 1/2 more hours). I guess we'll take our schoolwork in the van.  We have a pumpkin activity day with friends this afternoon, and we have company coming in tomorrow night through Saturday.  I'm looking forward to it, but I feel stretched as far as I can comfortably stretch.  They'll probably work ahead, so they won't have much to do Friday while we have company.

I don't like them doing their schoolwork while we have company.  They get distracted, and I think they feel like they're being inspected. I don't want them feeling like they have to "perform."  We may do extra today and tomorrow and focus on reading aloud, art, music, and typing on Friday.

Writing all this down helped me to think it out.  I'm feeling a little less stressed.

I had the comment made to me, recently, "I bet you're able get so much done since you're home and all..."  I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes.

Most school days, I am teaching one or more of them for seven to eight hours, and when I'm not with one of the kids, the others are living in the house, eating constantly, doing things that will eventually require work to clean up...It's like raking leaves on a windy day or shoveling snow in a snowstorm.  The other hours I'm trying to take care of the house, trying get meals and snacks on the table, and trying to take care of all the inanimate things that cry for my attention all day long.  I'm trying to take care of myself by writing in various locations and by working out almost every day.  (I let the girls "work out" with me, and that is adorable. Really.)

This is a very unique lifestyle I have found myself in.  One that I love, most of the time.  It just takes a lot of time and a lot of effort.  All day. Every day.  It's worth it, but you have to remind yourself of that often and get your husband to remind you too, especially if you don't have many people around you who understand the ins and outs of this particular lifestyle.  There's no one around to tell you you're doing a good job because most of the time, no one really notices.  They only notice if you're not doing a very good job...that's probably very true of most moms, homeschooling or not.

Deron is amazing for my self esteem.  Sometimes, I don't see the forest for the trees, and he reminds me how pretty the leaves are. Sometimes, all I see is work.  All I see is what we haven't done.  All I see is how far we have to go.  And then I'm reminded to look back and see how far we've come.  Sometimes, I have to adjust my view and see what all we've accomplished.

So for today and tomorrow, we'll grab our books and do "car school," and we'll finish at home.  And my prayer is that it will be enough.

No comments: