Plan A...B, C, or D- Joyfully Flexible

Wow. Ain't that the truth?!

At the beginning of every school year (and every other month or so, it seems), I make a master schedule.  A master routine.  It's nice to have an example of my perfect day.  It's my Plan A.

We almost always run into B, C, or D depending on what is going on in the real world, and you can't have a B if you don't have an A.  Somebody told me that years ago...before I was ever attempting the task of educating my children.    Homeschooling is part of our lives.  It meshes with everything else.  Somehow, it blends together.  I, desperately, want it to blend, and I have to keep the type A part of my personality in check over it.  She wants Plan A, every day, all the time, with a smile. Period.

However, life is rarely Plan A.  And there is a lot our children can learn from our reactions to the derailment of all our plans.  Those life lessons are more important than any math or phonics lesson you could dream up.  I know precious people who are nearing the end of a quite lengthy and trying situation concerning one of their children.  And I'm telling you, the lessons in faith and perseverance that their other children are learning are priceless.

That's not to say we don't need math or phonics lessons, but those are not the bone structure, not the meat, of home education.  Those things don't hold everything together.  Those are not the point.  Not a single mother I know would tell you that they educate their children at home, so they can be the one to teach the three Rs to their kids.  Not one.

One of the main lessons I want my kids to learn is to be joyfully flexible. Things come up. Kids get sick. Someone needs a favor.  Someone needs help with a meal or childcare while mom goes to the doctor.  Various life experiences come up all day long. I want them to be ready to manage their attitudes and their time as things come up to alter our schedule.

A couple of weeks before we left for CO, Grace caught a viral bug of some sort and literally, fell asleep on the floor in the middle of the living room one morning.  Hannah stepped away from the table and her math lesson, went to get a blanket, a pillow, and Grace's stuffed puppy in order to take care of her sick sister.  She also filled a cup with juice and placed it beside her.  I think the main lesson she learned that day was a lesson in kindness, a lesson in putting someone else ahead of yourself.

So when my Plan A makes a stop, my purpose is to look at the bigger picture and remember that we can get back to it after we take care of our derailment.  My attitude is everything in those instances.  My children can either learn that math is more important than their sick sibling or that math will still be math after you do what you need to do. (And I was going to move Grace, but I let Hannah handle it that day.)

They need learn that schedules are gentle guides not rigid rule books.  Children need to learn time management, too.  If their schedule is always perfect, there are no lessons learned.  No need for time management.  However, my kids and I do need structure.  We all need a plan.  But that plan needs to be adaptable. And we, moms, need to be flexible, joyfully flexible.  Like the saying goes our kids will remember what we did long after they've forgotten what we said...

Gold Mining

We went to the Wild West Ghost Town Museum while we were in CO, and it was filled with antiques, player pianos, authentic buggies, trick mirrors, authentic clothing examples, dishes, and much more.  While it wasn't exactly what we thought it would be based on the flyer and pictures, it had a lot of things to look at.  The homeschooling mom in me made the kids watch the informational video.  Then we went outside and that is where we found the gold mining table.  They spent as much time hunting for gold as they did browsing the museum.

By the time we left, we all wanted to go back to my sister's and watch Gold Rush Alaska.  We may have done just that.

Authentic

I am a type A, perfectionist, and super-mom wannabe.  It's a problem.  One that I try to keep in check.

I know I cannot do it all with a perfect house, perfect meals, perfect lessons, and perfectly behaved children.  I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  My children, most certainly, are not.  I, desperately, wish to recover that part of myself before I do more harm than good.  I don't need perfect.  I need real.

I want to be a great mom.  My heart longs to be great...to be perfect.  There are days when I feel I've accomplished virtually nothing.  My to-do list is struggling. Behavior issues abound.  My patience runs raggedly thin.

Then, I begin comparing myself to others...bad, bad, bad idea. I think of so-and-so who works full-time, outside the home, who seems to have it all together with never-ending patience and perfect kids.  And then, there's the homeschooling mom of seven, who has a business out of her home which she runs with impeccable time-management skills. She has super-talented and well-behaved kids and a perfectly clean house. Oh, and she has an extra special patience, of a "super power" proportion, and she's just perfect.

That snarky, evil, voice in my head screams at me.  Why can't you get it together?  They can do it all!  They are just so perfect.

Then, my more sensible subconscious, prompts me with, No one is perfect.  We are all unique.  Each person you think is perfect isn't.  They have to make choices and they've said "no" to plenty of things in order to do what God has put on their hearts to do for their family and in their home.

I have only been a mom for nine years, and I'm learning every. single. day.  So while I don't know much, I do know that my children know when I'm being real.  They know if I'm being authentic.  They know the real me.  That is a great thing!  My children help me to be real, without even realizing it, instead of trying to be something I'm not.  I have strengths and weaknesses that are unique to me.  I try to help them be themselves.

One thing that helps me to do that is to think and do with their adulthood in mind.  I ask myself, "What do I want them to remember from their childhood?"

- Baking cookies on Friday afternoons, in the fall
- Going to the park on a windy day
- Having our church family visit the house on a regular basis
- Traveling to visit family who isn't nearby
- Spending most weeknights at home, family time doesn't last long...don't like being too busy.
- Listening to mom read aloud during snacks
- Popping popcorn and stargazing
- Running with mom at the track
- Going to church meetings
- Knowing that mom and dad drink coffee every day on the front porch that they can, that they love one another very much
- That mom and dad work hard in different ways
- Knowing that while they were not perfect, they were home...
- That home was a place of solace, refuge, that God was/is honored and spoken of, often
- That they could be themselves.  That they could relax, in their hearts, in spite of any circumstances.
- That, while it may not have been quiet, it was peaceful.

So if you want them to remember that they baked cookies and listened to stories, you actually have to bake the cookies and read the book.  If you want them to remember popping popcorn and looking at the stars, you have to do it.  If you want them to be themselves, you have to let them.  If you want them to relax, you must set the tone.

So what's important to you, in your life, in your home?  What works for you?  I, likely, will struggle with perfectionism, but I purpose, daily, to remember that we are not perfect.  To remember that, while we're not perfect, we serve a God who is.  And I can rest in that truth.

Colorado: Family Vacation 2012

September 9 marked the children's first plane ride.  We flew out to Colorado Springs to visit family and enjoy a once in a lifetime experience for two amazing weeks.  It was a wonderful break from the norm!  The kids were psyched, and their excitement was contagious.  I was excited because they were excited.  Fall is well underway out there.  I missed seeing red leaves mixed with their yellow and orange ones, but the landscape and scenery encouraged me to pull out my fall decor as soon as we got home. Heading down from Pike's Peak.  Hannah fell asleep on the way down because the sudden increase in elevation, 14,110 feet up, was too much for her system.  

Taken while I was trying NOT to look out the window to our impending doom! The bicyclists skeered me a little bit... a lot!  That black shadow in the background is the shadow of a cloud.  Awesome doesn't begin to describe it!

I took several hundred pictures.  Digital photography is great.  Such instant gratification.  Now, I need to go back through all the pictures and choose a few to share.  We went almost everywhere, and it just occurred to me that we never went back to the candy shop where they made the most amazing peanut butter cups.  They were more like peanut butter cupcakes.  They were huge!

US Olympic Training Center...although most athletes were at home recovering, I assume.

San Diego

Leave it to Deron to make friends with the most eccentric and interesting 70 year old lady on his flight out to San Diego.

First off, it was hard for him to leave because Grace begged him to take her with him.  She assured him she'd let him pack her up in his suitcase if she could go.  I'm not sure if she wanted to get on a plane or if she actually wanted to go with her daddy.  We told her it was against the law to get on the plane inside a suitcase and that she had to have a ticket.  She decided she really didn't want to go to jail, so her desperate plea soon ended.  Sweet little thang.

So he's on the plane ATL to SAN. It was a crowded flight, and he happened to sit next to "one old SC lady."  That's what she called herself.  She's a counselor from South Carolina.  Right now, she counsels soldiers who are adjusting to life back home after being in a war zone.  Once they were in the air, she insisted on finding the only serviceman on the plane and continued to insist on buying him something to eat.  He told her it wasn't necessary, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.  She gave the money to the flight attendant and made sure it would be spent on keeping this man from being the slightest bit hungry.

She sat down by Deron and peppered him with questions about his life, his family.  And she proceeded to counsel him.  First, she was listening to something and put the earbud right in his ear and said, "Here.  Listen to this."  What would you do if a grandma came up to you and told you to listen?  You'd listen.  So he did.  It was parenting advice.  Amazing parenting advice.  Basically it was all about listening to your children.  

Let me pause this story to say that I completely understand how hard that can be.  My attention can be pulled in so many directions all at once, but somewhere inside me I know that if I want my children to talk to me, then I need to be listening to them.  Sometimes it's hard when they talk all. the. flippin'. time.  But nonetheless, I must listen now when they want to talk about their childhood, what they're interested in, what they like, what they don't like, how they feel, what is truly important to them.  I must be attentive.  I must not give flippant answers when I haven't been paying real attention.  They know, and if we're not listening they'll stop talking.  

It takes effort, or at least, it does for me.  My four children talk a lot. They seem to want to tell me something all the time.  And for a person who is refreshed in the quiet, it's difficult to have four little people who want my attention.  It wears me out to listen and hear all that they have to say.  But I know that there is a time coming when they won't just want to talk.  They'll need to.  And I want my kids to know that I'm here for them anytime, anywhere.

Back to the SC lady.  She said that so many times, children can reason through things as they talk to someone, but as parents, it's hard to just listen.  We want the path with least resistance.  We want to fix things quickly so we can move on.  We want them to adopt our point of view just because. 

And because I want to raise children who can depend on me and yet not be dependent on me, I need to help their minds process things.  I need to help them communicate effectively and part of communication is listening. As the saying goes, more is caught than taught.  If I listen, really listen to them, maybe they will learn to listen to the people they encounter in their own lives.  Our time at home with our children is limited.  May we be truly present for them.

I plan to transcribe the letter the old SC lady gave him on the plane soon.  It's mostly about life and marital advice.  She was something special, and I never even met her.  But I know this, she changed my life.

The Backyard Congo

Ethan bought Grace a small pool for her birthday.  An expensive pool.  He spent $20.00 on that pool, and they turned it into a boat for our bigger pool. 

The pools are now a part of the imaginary backyard Congo.  They have a toy alligator that they throw in the water and “catch.”  My two longest towels have turned into anacondas that they capture, repeatedly.  They wrap their anaconda towels around their bodies and allow themselves to be "constricted."  Then, another kiddo rescues the victim and pulls them into the boat.

I wonder if I need to be concerned… Daniel alternates using a Swamp People accent and an Australian accent down in the Congo, so I know one thing.

We need to work on geography but not their ability to use their fantastical imagination.

Sisters.